Sunday, September 30, 2007

How to NOT look like a tourist

This is a very important skill. Why exactly do you not want to look like a tourist? The word tourist carries connotations of mild ignorance and delight in every single thing. It lacks an air of sophistication. So, what do you call someone who isn't a local but isn't a tourist? A jetsetter. Let's all be jetsetters, guys. Living in the capital of the United States has given me ample opportunity to observe tourists, and I have compiled a list of how to avoid looking like one.

Disclaimer: This only works for Americans traveling within the US, or Europeans traveling within their own country. Good luck trying to pass yourself off as a local on another continent. It's very difficult and you WILL fail.

1. Of course it's necessary to have guide books and maps. Don't think that you should forego these in your attempt to avoid looking like a tourist. These are helpful aids that will come in handy if you get lost or are looking for a good place to eat or stay. Definitely, don't leave the house without them. BUT. Do not open them in the middle of the street, or another conspicuous place, and make sure they are hidden in your bag or glove compartment when they are not in use. Carrying a guide book is a dead giveaway.

2. Layering is a very touristy thing to do, because tourists are always unsure of weather conditions and like to be prepared for anything. It is a good practice to keep a jacket if you are going somewhere chilly, and to carry an umbrella if there might be rain. However, typing sweatshirts around your waist is very unglamorous. A pocket-sized umbrella will serve you well in being inconspicuous. Also, avoid brightly colored raincoats. These, for not apparent reason, are particularly touristy.

3. Rent a car from a local company. Most of the time, it is locals that go about town in cars, and of course, they have local license plates. Rental car companies will also have local license plates, and the sticker from the rental company is usually small and not very noticeable.

4. Walk briskly and purposefully down streets. Strolling and looking at every building around you, especially during commuting times, is irritating; you will get in the way of commuters in a hurry. Yes, you should observe the architecture, but don't linger and soak in every detail unless it is some monument. In DC, every single federal building is a work of art. That doesn't mean they need half an hour each to pore over.

5. Fanny packs are to be avoided at all costs, regardless of whether you are a tourist or a local. Only tourists will want to have everything in easy reach. Sunglasses should not be kept on top of your head or looped on your shirt collar. The latter is acceptable for men because it is inadvisable to keep sunglasses in your pocket. When not in use, they should be out of sight.

6. For women: carry small purses and wear heels. Big purses are made to carry every single thing that a tourist might carry, like sourvenirs, water bottles, a sweater, books, etc. Get a small and stretchy bag, or a tote. Backpacks are no good... have you ever seen a local using a backpack to carry stuff? Heels are good because tourists do a lot of walking, which heels are not good for. If you have sensitive feet, then you might want to wear flats. But as long as they are rather nice shoes, they'll do.

7. The camera, the camera. This is a very much situational issue. Firstly, digital SLRs. Keeping them around your neck and snapping pictures of everything is touristy. Setting up a tripod and staying in the same place for an hour is not. The former goes for digital cameras as well. Keep in mind that taking out out your digicam quickly, snapping a photo, then replacing the camera hastily is acceptable. Even locals might want to capture something interesting on camera. The corollary to this is if you are holding up some commuters on the sidewalk or something equally idiotic.

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